In honor of our review of food reviewers this issue, we have decided to review the city of Hong Kong, foodie-style. Let’s see if it passes muster!

Atmosphere: Too many sulphites in the air gave the atmosphere an unpleasantly smoggy flavor. The heady bus fumes and the excessive humidity made for a very uncomfortable experience. Plus, you can only see across the harbor half the time!! 2/5 stars.

Environment: The environment in the Hong Kong countryside is very nice and green, but property developers and indigenous villagers keep trying to steal country parkland and turn it into private houses, scrap metal yards and amusement parks. I really don’t understand. 3/5

Value for Money: Highly variable. While some things can be very reasonable (fishball noodles, taxes, unskilled labor), other things on Hong Kong’s menu are very overpriced. For example, if you want to buy an apartment, you won’t find a nice one for less than $10,000 per square foot, which I think is not good value at all. But because I found some very cheap gadgets at the Wan Chai Computer Center, I will give half marks here. 2.5/5

Taste: It seems to me that many visitors to Hong Kong do not have good taste. So many are waiting outside LV and Gucci to buy expensive handbags with giant logos on them! Why is this??? 1/5

Service: Again, a huge range in the quality of the service. If you are a big spender, then everyone is very nice and polite to you. If you are a really, really big spender, then you can even get some special insider treatment from the government! Wow!!! But if you don’t have a lot of money, then you will not get to experience the best that Hong Kong has to offer. People will pretend that you don’t exist because it makes them feel uncomfortable. 3/5

Hygiene: Excellent! Wow, Hongkongers have really great hygiene—from the sneeze guards at Cafe de Coral to the cleaning staff that constantly disinfect elevator buttons. I cannot fault the hygiene of this city. 5/5

Why You’ll Come Back: If you are rich, you can pay to make all of Hong Kong’s problems disappear. It’s happy hour all the time, and everything is fun! If you are poor, however, then I would not recommend that you return.