Our resident investment expert, Mr. Wu, returns with his latest column.

Hey gang, I’ve been getting a lot of questions recently about the stock market bubble here in Hong Kong – namely, is it going to burst? While we should all remember that no one can predict exactly what the market will do, I guarantee this particular bubble is never going to burst! How do I know this? You’ve probably heard a lot of talk about a “direct train” to the Hang Seng Index – well, soon we’ll all be ridin’ it straight to Rich-ville! Which brings me to another frequent question...

What, exactly, is this “direct train”? In layman’s terms, it’s basically a refurbished cargo train from Beijing loaded with bags and bags of cash. The train then travels “directly” to Hong Kong, and all the Hong Kong investors subsequently get to take one cash bag each home with them! Let the good times roll!

“But still,” I can hear you asking, “the market keeps fluctuating, and this really worries me.” Don’t you guys know anything about how the market works? “Fluctuation” is just a fancy way of saying, “going up and down” – smart investors jump in on the “down” part and cash out on the “up” part. That’s why I call fluctuations “fluctunities!” I for one can’t wait for the stock market to “fluck” us all over!

Now that we’ve established the invincibility of the Hang Seng Index, let’s take another letter, this one from regular reader Mark Lai. He writes, “I took your advice in last week’s column and now I live in a cardboard box in Kennedy Town!” Lucky you, Mark! Kennedy Town is a real-up-and-coming area for investment properties. You can increase the value of your box by up to 25 percent through simple refurbishments. May I suggest an old soup can chimney?

One more question...

Dr. Laurence Ho from the Peak asks, “When a bond is issued with a high coupon and market rates remain unchanged, would it be cheaper to buy the bond in the secondary market or force redemption?” Oops, looks like we’ve ran out of space!

Stay tuned for my next column, where I explain how you can use your old shares – and a little coriander – to make a delicious jambalaya. Until then, keep showing me the money!