With a week to go until the London 2012 Olympic Games, here are some fun ways that Hongkongers can get into the Olympic spirit.

Watching the Imagination Games. No cable TV channel? No problem! If you are too poor to be able to subscribe to the pay-TV Olympic broadcast, or are too young to watch the Games in a sports bar, all you have to do is close your eyes, chew on some peyote and conjure up a magical Olympic realm, where Hong Kong wins gold medals in everything. This also works well for imagining you don’t live in a dank 300-square-foot concrete cubicle.

Wishing We Were Still a Colony. Whenever the United Kingdom is doing something cool, anyone old enough to remember what it was like to live in Hong Kong before 1997 starts bemoaning the fact that we were handed back to China 15 years ago. Recreate the full British Olympic experience by heading to Wyndham Street, drinking until you black out, cutting yourself on a broken pint glass and then starting a fight with the paramedic who’s trying to stitch your hand back up.

Taking Part in the Synchronized Umbrella Jab. Combining our talent for umbrella-wielding and our almost psychotic disregard for other pedestrians come lunch hour, the synchronized umbrella jab contest requires dexterity, excellent coordination and a good dose of bloodlust. (Double points if you can draw blood without breaking your stride.) An alternative to this Hong Kong sport is the “Taxi Dash While Pretending To Be On Your Phone So You Can Ignore The Pregnant Woman Carrying Shopping Bags.“

Pretending To Be Interested in Windsurfing. Hong Kong’s first and only gold medal was acquired by national treasure “San-San” Lee Lai-shan at the 1996 Atlanta Games in windsurfing. With the slightly illogical belief that if Hong Kong can win gold in windsurfing once, we can definitely do it again, why not spend an inordinate amount of time watching slightly damp people standing on a board and not moving particularly quickly? Thrilling stuff.

Fastest Facebooker. Are you on a dumb boat somewhere right now? Or maybe you just posed with an awesome car you saw on the street? About to eat a bowl of ramen? Whatever insipid thing you are doing, you can compete with everyone around you right now to be the fastest to broadcast it to the whole of Hong Kong, and hopefully break the world record, set when an OpenRice blogger live-blogged his digestion of a piece of seared foie gras.