Jul 05, 2012|
We got this internal memo from HK Magazine’s very own in-house censor.
Dear HK Magazine editors,
It has come to our attention that the SCMP has come under fire for allegedly withholding news articles that are critical of China. Therefore, we have decided to issue some new rules and guidelines for HK Magazine as well.
All restaurants will automatically receive five stars—the same number of stars as the Chinese flag…
Any editor caught approving a seditious or immoral event listing will be forced to watch a three-hour-long one-man play about Hong Kong third culture identity.
“Gypset” is not a thing. Do not let it be a thing.
Spa reviews must not be titillating. To wit, the words “moist”, “palpate” and “finger” will automatically be removed from future write-ups. The sentence “She palpated my moist finger” appearing in any copy will result in immediate dismissal.
Any prose concerning China should refer to the mainland by its full, proper name as recorded by the Beijing Associated Press stylebook. Example: “Dragonair Holidays is currently offering a great three-day package to the Westin Chengdu in The Glorious and Beneficent People’s Motherland.”
In order to avoid a trademark infringement row with Warren Buffett, buffets must heretofore be referred to as “group eating parties.”
In the “Hot/Not” column, denouncing family members is always “hot.”
All mention of froyo is banned. No particular reason—we just really hate froyo.
The word “mixology” will be automatically corrected to “cocktail-making,” and “molecular gastronomy” will be replaced with “fancy cooking.”
Savage Love will be replaced by a delightful, uncontroversial photo of a sleepy kitten.