Hi there. Are you a nurdle who’s just washed up on Hong Kong from on overturned shipping container? Just a small plastic ball with no idea of what’s hip and happening around town?

Well, luckily, you’ve just picked up HK Magazine, Hong Kong’s premier city living guide and essential reading for both hip urbanites and tiny industrial plastic pellets alike. Here are some of our top Nurdle tips:

Ditch the Beach. You can’t really experience a new culture if you stay in your usual nurdle bubble, washing up on shores and polluting sea life and causing a menace for local health officials and green volunteers. Why not get out and explore the rest of Hong Kong? Choke some old ladies in a traditional Hakka village. Stroll down a side street in the old neighborhood of Sheung Wan and cause a slipping hazard.

Fish Ball Soup. Feel like asphyxiating some of the local fauna? Disguise yourself as a tiny fish ball in a bowl of wonton soup. Wait until you’re gobbled down by an unsuspecting office worker, and start obstructing airways!

Ocean Park. Plenty of sea-life gullets to climb into here too.

Nurdle Nightlife. So you’ve been all over town choking people and becoming a general nuisance. Now where’s a young nurdle gonna go to kick back with a drink and release a few toxins into the atmosphere? Fortunately, Hong Kong is riddled with places where loading people up with toxic chemicals isn’t just accepted, it’s downright chic. We suggest a certain strip of Wan Chai well-known for its abundance of unnatural chemical compounds and artificial plastic orb-shaped things.

Mountain of Nurdles. Ever seen a huge ass pile of tiny plastic pellets stacked up higher than a double-decker bus? Nurdle flash mob at Statue Square!

Official Tour of Hong Kong. The best way to see the real side of Hong Kong is to join the official tour, in a Hong Kong government official’s pocket, where he or she will take you out as a prop around the territory for photo ops during which he or she will pretend to care about the environment.

Nurdle Spa. Finally, before you depart, you need to recharge and relax. Dip into one of the city's five-star spas for a quick nurdle wax, which will reduce you to a tiny hot pinprick of melted ooze. Just close your lil' nurdle eyes and slip into the footnotes of Hong Kong’s long and storied history as the top international destination for pollutants from all over the world.