One of the top three worst ideas I’ve ever been involved with came last Wednesday, courtesy of a joint effort by all our Asia offices to promote an “Alcohol Adventures” day. The plan was that our web editor Topaz, columnist Johannes Pong and I would go to various bars, drink their cocktails, and then tweet/write/FB about it while people in Bangkok and Singapore were doing the same. I had a very long, very sarcastic email drafted to my editor questioning why we didn’t do this on a Saturday but was convinced not to send it for “career” reasons, meaning that I didn’t want to be fired. I guess writing about it in a column for more than 80,000 people might make it a bit more public so, um, good job Yalun Tu, Soon-to-Be-Freelance-Writer (i.e. unemployed).

But come on, Wednesday? What were we thinking?

What we were thinking apparently is that it’s high time to get drunk in a Pan-Asian sense. I started after finishing my office duties (yes, it was a Wednesday) at Hush, where the bartender whose name I immediately forgot* made us mixology cocktails: Earl Grey martinis, frozen coolers Fat Duck-style and a smoked oaked Coke, which is a drink wrapped up in a tongue twister. Since we were picture/video blogging the event I made Topaz film as I chugged each of these super-sipping drinks, then topped it all off with a bacon-vodka shot. Then I stood up. I think you know where this is going.

Ok, so then it was 7:10pm, we were pretty blackout and we started heading to Lily and Bloom. It starts to get a little hazy here but I think this was the sequence of events:

• Immediately after we left Hush I started wearing my sunglasses at night like a huge douche.
• At the crosswalk I befriended an old Indian man by talking to him about how taxi drivers are crazy. I invited him to Lily but he declined and I tried to give him a hug (unsuccessfully) until I was dragged away.
• We arrived at Lily and I yelled at PR Cheryl to give me a private locker (failed) and Francis to let me play in his basketball game (also failed).
• Drank Lily’s off-menu “Southside” drink (excellent), which I in order mistakenly referred to as a “West Side,” “East Side,” “Sidecar,” “North Face Jacket Side,” and “Give Yalun Alcohol Now Side.”
• Demanded food for the table and ate almost all of it, at times slapping people’s hands away from the communal dishes.

From there it was Fly where we played a game of Vodka-Soda-Oversized-Jenga, which is where you play Jenga with huge blocks and I spill vodka soda over myself. The highlight was probably stumbling around whilst holding the Jenga set as a table of pseudo-models concernedly watched me. Naturally I tried to place it on their table, failed and then watched as a tower of wooden blocks rained down on their heads. I was going to say sorry but instead had a whiskey sour.

After we left Fly, our social media strategy—which was the conceit for why we were out there in the first place—collapsed more epically then a Jenga tower and we stopped tweeting, texting or really doing anything. So we did what all super-drunk unintelligible people do: go to Tsui Wah. All the Asians (I’m half so putting myself in the category) ordered noodles while the white guy with us ordered a hot dog, supporting my theory that drunk people only eat the food they grew up with. Finishing, we headed to Insomnia where we ran into Topaz’s friend making out with a guy who came over and hugged me for about five minutes. Not going to lie, it was pretty weird and I wished it had been that old Indian man.

I’m writing this the next morning in my office. Again, if we had done this on Saturday I would be peacefully sleeping in my bed but hey, who doesn’t want to spend the day crazily hungover at work?

*Bartender: Hi, I’m [Random Name].
Me: Could you repeat that so I don’t forget it?
Bartender: Sure, it’s [Random Name].
Me: [Immediately forgetting name].